Saturday, July 25, 2009

Dealing With Break Up – Causes Break Up Pain

Dealing with break up pain, any way that you look at it, is not going to be an easy or enjoyable task. A lot of people incorrectly believe that they will be able to manage their heartbreak, only to find out that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving, at least if you look at the relationship as having passed on. When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem impossible for the time being.

Relationship breakup puts a lot of people through fear and misery. Some of the people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, and this is why people suffer so hard from heartbreak in the first place. Dealing with break up pain all by yourself can seem impossible at first, but consider how many people deal with love and loss in their lives and survive to talk about it. You too will be able to get over what feels like a crippling break up, but only if you are willing to deal with heartbreak pain the right way, and the healthy way for that matter.

So why is the pain from a lost love break up so difficult? Because when dealing with a break up, it will seem as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain you’re going through. It is important that you continue to try to heal rather than allowing yourself to give up on the situation. Dwelling on the painful split from your lover will not help you, so instead you should work on getting better and moving on, which will allow you to stop dealing with break up pain and start dealing with moving on and finding someone new, perhaps even someone that has a better dynamic with you.

* Spend time with your friends and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.

* Don't dwell on the bad feelings, but focus on the good parts of your life in order to promote healing.

Your friends will probably realize that you're going through something serious, and they will more than likely dedicate themselves to trying to help you through it. If this is the case, don't blow them off, because going out and spending time with your friends and the people that you care about will be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with break up pain. Everyone goes through a period where they are dealing with break up pain, because everyone goes through a breakup. Rather than allow yourself to suffer while dealing with breaking up pain, what you should do is enjoy yourself and work on healing rather than allowing yourself to become stressed out, overwhelmed or depressed by your heartbreak.

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Friday, July 24, 2009

Getting Over Break Up - Your Steps of Recovery

Are you getting over break up right now? Do you hurt so bad that you feel like your heart is going to explode? Do you want to see the other person one minute and want to kill them the next? That is all par for the course when you are getting over break up.

Just as there are stages of grief when mourning someone who has diet, there are also steps that must be taken when getting over break up. One woman whose first husband died and second husband divorced her said that it was actually easier getting over the death of a husband than it was recovering from divorce. That is because there’s societal support when someone dies, but you are supposed to go about getting over break up on your own.

The first thing you should do is sit down and write a long letter to your ex. Pour out your heart. Share the experiences you had together. Tell him or her why you loved them. Put on paper how you feel about the break up. Call them names. It’s okay to emote in this letter because no one is ever going to see it. That is because you are going to light a candle and burn the letter over the candle’s flame. There are not many rituals that go along with breaking up, but this one can help you on the road to emotional recovery.

Next, you need to arrange to exchange stuff. If you have been in a relationship of any length, you probably have some stuff of his at your place and he’s got your things at his. You probably want much of this stuff back and he or she is equally eager to get theirs. Work out a time for a mutual exchange.

If there are things of your ex’s that aren’t going to be exchanged, either box them up or throw them away. Don’t leave your ex’s toothbrush lying around the bathroom because it will only remind you of them as you are trying to go about getting over break up.

It is also a good idea to box up any gifts your ex gave you for a time. Wearing a watch that your ex gave you will make you think of them every time you check to see what time it is. That’s just not a good idea when getting over break up.

There are sometimes financial matters that need to be straightened out when getting over a break up. If you owe your ex money, try to either pay it off from your own funds or get another loan to pay it off. If you have a checking account together, work out how you are going to divvy it up and then go to the bank to close it.

What you should be seeing is a pattern of closing out the parts of your lives that you shared. This is essential to getting over break up.

After you have done what is necessary, agree to have no contact for thirty days. This will allow you to start building separate lives. You shouldn’t call, text, email, or meet the other person during this time. You may even want to agree that some places such as a specific bar or even a given church “belong” to one party or the other during this month long period.

After you have had time to begin building a separate life, you will be able to interact more normally once again. This is a difficult time, so give yourself the space you need in order to go about getting over break up.

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Get Back Together With Ex Listen To Him


Kristi was devastated. She wanted to get back together with ex boyfriend Thad. Thad had told her that he needed some “space.” Thad said that he still cared for her but didn’t want to date exclusively any more.

What should Kristi do to get back together with ex Thad? Should she call him and text him? Should she show up and flirt with his friends? Should she ignore him completely?

Actually, she should do none of these. Instead, she should listen to him.

He says that he loves her but that he needs space. While this may seem like a cliché, the truth is that many times when people use this line they mean what they say.

Sometimes a relationship just gets ahead of a person. They may not be ready for the responsibilities a relationship carries. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t love their ex. In fact, they may love him or her too much and want to take a step back.

Given that this is the case, let’s take a look at what disasterous things can happen if you handle the situation badly.

For instance, if Kristi were to endlessly pursue Thad with calls, emails and texts, she wouldn’t be giving him the space he needed to get his head on straight. Letters, gifts, and singing songs under his window late at night would have the same effect.

One of Kristi’s friends suggested that she start flirting with all of Thad’s friends to make him jealous in an attempt to get back together with ex. This is a common recommendation because it is assumed that men will want what other men have. The problem is that by playing games now, Kristi would be jeopardizing her relationship in the future. And, there is a strong likelihood that Thad would just be angry at Kristi and push her even further away.

Another option Kristi considered was just ignoring him altogether. In some ways, because she was so hurt by Thad’s rejection, she wanted to punish him in turn.

But, if she is open and receptive but not pushy when they meet each other in social situations that are not contrived, she shows him what a wonderful woman and wonderful human being she is. She becomes someone that he wants to spend time with. She has allowed him to see her at her best.

Kristi has a number of options if she wants to get back together with ex. But, her best option is simply to listen to Thad. He’s said he needs space. So, she should give it to him. She should let him have the opportunity to decide whether to get back together.

My guess is that Thad will come back to Kristi and he’ll be ready to take the relationship to the next level. If Kristi plays her cards right, she will have a stronger relationship overall.

That’s how to get ex back in a healthy way.

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